Portal: Flash Version
PuzzleReleases: N/A
WeCreateStuff.com
WeCreateStuff.com
ESRB: N/A
Portal: The Flash Version
For those not FPS inclined, but want to know the thrill of Portal's puzzles
My good friends Nick and Sarah (the CDG brain parents, themselves) have been talking about this game called Portal from some collection of games called The Orange Box for weeks. It was clear to me that they were obviously big fans--lauding its dry humor and silly, albeit satisfying ending. Being the gaming mavens that they are, they couldn’t help but insist that I play this game a few nights ago when I dropped by their lovely home for a visit. I excitedly agreed partly because I was aware of the game’s [seemingly] universal popularity, but mostly because I wanted to stop staring at them blankly when the next round of Portal praising inevitably began.
The concept seemed simple enough: teleport this older (I’d say 30-35ish) Asian-looking woman and other objects using this gun that shoots holes in the wall allowing you to enter one hole and come out the other, with the goal of getting to an objective point. Overconfident, in my knowledge of classical mechanics and puzzle solving acumen, I picked up the controller with full intentions of using the Handheld Portal Device to wreak the proverbial havoc on Aperture Science Labs. Naturally, you’re all beside yourselves with anticipation wondering, “WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?” but I must admit that when sitting down to write this review, I shortly realized that practically, I have no business describing the proceeding gameplay, because gameplay isn’t something I have the capacity to normally describe coupled with the fact that I didn’t really play the game. With that caveat, if I were to create a real-life metaphor of my experience, it would probably most accurately resemble something like two well meaning, yet naïve parents who earnestly put their 15-year-old (She’s actually 3.) behind the wheel of the family SUV for the first time and tell her to take a drive around the block while they excitingly look on until they realize they’ve committed a disastrous exercise in bad parenting and grab the wheel before they can even kick her out of the driver’s seat (No more driving for you honey, just watch Daddy drive!) Moreover, even after the 15-year-old (Still 3.) is exiled to the backseat, she gets incredibly carsick and vomits all over the upholstery (I didn’t, although pukage would have been a certainty had our Thai food had arrived on time. .). Needless to say, when I was “driving” I couldn’t seem to walk, shoot, pick anything up, and in the event that I would accidentally crouch, even standing up became this huge ordeal where I inevitably ended up staring at the ceiling (in the game, not in real life) and then spinning around trying to correct my line of vision making myself (and everyone else) wholly nauseous. The Xbox controller might as well have been a unicycle or the reigns of a bridled emu—I wasn’t going anywhere and was likely to injure myself in the process.
Figure 1: Portal TFV featuring Prison Mike
Alas, first person shooter games and I are the girl-speak equivalent of stonewashed jeans and a matching jacket. However, I wasn’t about to discount my logical prowess so like all enlightened minds I resolved to hone my skills (nonexistent, as they were) via the internets. A quick Google search of "How to suck less at Portal" revealed some interesting results (The most notable being “Sucks Less with Kevin Smith: the show for people who have way better things to do with their weekend than get laid” and the Portal/Scientology Quotes of L. Ron Hubbard.). A link off of a message board led me to Wecreatestuff.com featuring Portal: The Flash Version (TFV). Apparently some fans of the original Portal (dudes calling themselves weceatestuff.com) created a flash version presumably for people who just couldn’t get enough of the first version. Despite not being a member of their target demographic, I was eager to try the game. From what I could tell, the objective remained similar: shoot portals into 2-D walls over coming challenges like moving panels and impenetrable surfaces electricity, crushing spikes, and turrets (which sadly, do not speak) in order to strategically make your way to the end of the room thereby completing level. You control your character, a faceless guy dressed in what appears to be prison uniform (see figure 1) with the mouse and keyboard. The controls are listed on the screen so you don’t have to memorize them, but even so, I’m not going to pretend that I wasn’t staring blankly at the screen for a while trying to figure out how to maneuver my little orange escaped con. Thankfully, the learning curve was pretty short (even for me) compared to the 3-D version and then I was able to quickly complete the first couple levels. One difficulty I encountered was that in the subsequent levels, you need to use momentum to get you to the end of the levels and I found that sometimes I would jump in one portal to find myself BLASTED out of the other portal and other times I’d get stuck bouncing between the two portals as if I were stuck in some weird space-time continuum. Both situations were equally amusing to me, so this isn’t really a complaint as much as an excuse to use the phrase “space-time continuum.”
I find most online puzzle games extremely addictive and Portal TFV is no exception. Once I was hooked I spent all afternoon playing. I was only able to complete a pathetic 9 levels (out of 40) but I had a great time. I have heard that the upper levels of the game are very difficult so it’s probably unlikely that I will finish the game anytime soon as I’m still currently stuck on level 9 (Any pointers would be appreciated. If you are also tallish and can change light bulbs, you have an open invitation to play at my house). I have also heard that the game is a little buggy in the upper levels—something to which I cannot speak being a lowly Level Niner.
Portal TFV is a decidedly fantastic game for those who love Portal, those who have never played, and inept gamers like me who are just looking to kill a few hours here and there. It's true that it's missing the kooky and evolving plot (e.g. no cake) that makes it's big brother so amusing, but it does a great job of creating an addictive casual game—and lucky for me—without the kinesia-inducing gameplay.
I'm still stuck on level 9
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There's some walkthru videos if you're still stuck.